if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
