We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
