just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
