I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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