epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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