Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
