NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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