Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
did you just send me my own nude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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