dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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