I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
