dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
