Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
