YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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