I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
