Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
