You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
