My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
