Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
