i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
