The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
