It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
