You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
