May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
