You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
