I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
