i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
