if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
