Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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