Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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