Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
