ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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