call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
