k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
