Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This is my life. Enjoy the view
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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