i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
