fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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