Welp...herpes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
