I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
