Its about making memories worth repressing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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