Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
