I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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