LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
