I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
