remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
