Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need to stop coming to work sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
