mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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