I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
