I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
