it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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