Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
