Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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