You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
