On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
