yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have aggressive nipples.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
