just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
