I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
