am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
