So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..