why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
