Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't make out with my wife yet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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