Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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