There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
