I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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