Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
