Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
