Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
