My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
how drunk are you?
Several
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
