when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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