I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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