I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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