a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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