I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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