Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dear god my vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
