I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
