We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
