how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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