I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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