hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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