I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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