She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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