That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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