If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
