hotel room ftw
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
