I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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