You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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