please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
