Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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