I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
